You know you drink too much coffee when ...

• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• you ski uphill.
• you speed walk in your sleep.
• you answer the door before people knock.
• you sleep with your eyes open.
• you just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
• you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• you have to watch videos in fast-forward.
• the only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.
• you lick your coffeepot clean.
• your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
• your T-shirt says, "Decaf is the devil's coffee."
• you can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
• all your kids are named "Joe."
• you don't need a hammer to pound nails.
• your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet and Low."
• you don't sweat, you percolate.
• you've worn out the handles on your favorite mug.
• you've built a miniature city out of plastic stirrers.
• people get dizzy just watching you.
• people can test their batteries in your ears.
• when someone asks you," How are you?", you say," Good to the last drop."
• your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• you'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
• you go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
• you speak perfect Arabic without even taking a lesson.
• your Thermos is on wheels.
• you can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
• you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• you think being called a drip is a compliment.
• you don't tan, you roast.
• you don't get mad, you get steamed.
• you soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
• your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
• you think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."